The Judge Softly Vision

Why do we judge?

Everybody judges. It is part of being a human being and it even has a purpose. Judging made us survive. When an unknown tribe of animal crossed our path, we were able to react quickly based on our ‘judgment-reflexes’. Nowadays we don’t often need to judge the danger of an unknown person or animal approaching us. We live in a total different society, but our brain still has the same reflexes based on our defense-mechanism.  

Of the 40,000 thoughts that pop up in our mind on a daily basis, the majority consists of judgments, while most of the times no threat exists. Why?

Am I good enough?

We built up a diligent view of how our lives should look like based on our experiences, environment and biology. Based on this view we define conditions we need to meet as an individual. Only when you meet these conditions you are good enough and you deserve acceptation and love of others. Everything that clashes with this worldview will be (subconsciously) judged. Everything that defers from our conditioning, will be labeled as potential danger based on our ancient reflexes. Some physical and mental symptoms of judging are:

Confusion → thoughts tumble over thoughts
A feeling of drowning
Cramped heart, hands and jaws
Raised shoulders
Tunnel vision → you can’t see the entire room literally

This is how you struggle, day in and day out, to escape from the judgments of yourself and others. 

  • Of course I can make an all-nighter, my colleagues are also doing it. 
  • Asking for parental-leave as a dad is allowed, but I won’t do it. Can you imagine I’ll miss out on my promotion? 
  • I’m so tired, but will still go to the birthday party of my cousin. They might think I won’t be a fun aunt if I don’t go. 
  • How can you raise your children like that? 
  • Why do I see my friends posting pictures if their night out while I’m not there? Did I say or do something wrong? 

Judgments subconsciously steer our thinking, feeling and doing and that is why we live the majority of our time with a tunnel vision. We target on that little point in the endless universe. This hinders a free and full live. 

Judge Softly

The good news is: you cannot not judge. But you can become aware of your judgments. The Judge Softly journey walks you through: 

  1. Realizing
  2. Reviewing
  3. Accepting
  4. Wise communication

The Judge-Softly-method aims to transform your subconscious reaction to a conscious response. As a consequence trust, connection and inclusivity will arise. This leads to wisdom.

What is wisdom?

My mission with Judge Softly is to guide people from tunnel vision to wisdom. The word ‘wisdom’ might sound a bit old-fashioned. But just think about the people that come across wise in your view. What people will appear in your thoughts? Dalai Lama? Nelson Mandela? Jane Goodall? Maya Angelou? All of a sudden it seems more attractive to be wise.  

What do these people have in common? A list has been made with the following six qualities: 

  1. Being open to new experiences
  2. Being able to regulate emotions – see and feel emotions instead of reacting subconsciously
  3. Feel and practice compassion and empathy 
  4. Being able to reflect
  5. Recognize the uncontrollability of life
  6. Assume good intentions

With the Judge-Softly program for individuals and teams, we create space for these six qualities together. 

Contact me for more information:

Anne Barbara
Tel: +31 6 25221847